If only babies came with instruction manuals.

Having a baby is enormous. Deciding you want to try and have a child, then making the decision to try and have a child now, in many cases making that decision with your partner, trying to conceive, getting pregnant, staying pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth, and caring for a newborn who becomes an infant who becomes a child...it's colossal. It's unlike anything I've ever done, and it feels like it's very different to anything else in my life, or in anyone's life. That it is in some way its own class of activity. And it's very amazing, but very difficult. Very, very difficult. And complex. And multi-faceted. It's singular and it's all-encompassing. For me it's not just a lot. It's everything. Because it's another person. Another whole life. And that is everything.

A delivery at the National Maternity Hospital, Holles Street, January 2022.

People often say there is so much information out there, maybe too much information, about pregnancy and babies and raising a child. I have not found that to be the case. There are certainly a lot of words. But a lot of those words don't contain much information. And some of the information that is available is unreliable or conflicting. And while there is a lot written about certain aspects, other dimensions are scarcely discussed. The first few stages I mentioned seem to get hardly a look in. Making the decision that you want to try and have a child, and then deciding when you want to do that, these are barely discussed. The involvement of a partner, that this is very commonly an endeavour of a couple, not of one person and not just of the potential mother, this also gets very little attention. Particularly when it comes to being a father. The process of trying to conceive gets some attention but usually only when the next element, getting pregnant, proves difficult. Being pregnant and all aspects of pregnancy get a lot of coverage, but staying pregnant gets a lot less. Labour and birth definitely feature heavily. But it's sometimes said by more experienced parents and healthcare providers that pregnant women are given a huge amount of care and attention and information to prepare for an event that lasts a few hours or days - the birth - and comparatively barely any for the lifetime of raising a child. All of these underserved topics I would like to write more about. But now is not the time. Because I have a baby now, so I have basically no time for anything. Which is part of the problem. Those who know, because they are living it, don't have time to write about it. And those who need the information don't really have the time to read.

Because of this mismatch, what parents and prospective parents need is accurate, reliable, accessible, succinct information about the key things you need to know about pregnancy, birth and raising a child. Talking with friends and family we say things like 'if only babies came with instruction manuals', or 'if only there was a guide with the basics of everything you need to know in one place'. They don't and there isn't. Many books and websites promise this, but rarely live up to those blandishments, or they are in reality trying to sell you something, whether it's a device, a supplement, or a philosophy. But at my first antenatal appointment I was given something fairly close to this mythical document. It is a large booklet of around 200 pages called the Ultimate Maternity Guide. It was included in a folder of material I was handed at that appointment, and no-one mentioned it at the time or since. It looked like yet another glossy magazine about pregnancy, and judging entirely by the cover I didn't think much of it at first. Yet without fanfare it does quite a good job of living up to its subtitle: "Your essential pregnancy, birth and infant care handbook". I think there are several reasons for this.

One, it is produced by an organisation, Everymum, (formerly EUMom), in close collaboration with three of the major maternity hospitals in Ireland - Coombe Women and Infants University Hospital, the National Maternity Hospital (affectionately known as Holles Street) and Cork University Maternity Hospital, as well as having input from parents, healthcare professionals and non-parents. Two, the information in it is reliable and based on research, evidence and current good practice, usually closely adhering to what can be found from authoritative healthcare sources, while also including first-person evidence from parents and professionals. Three, it covers not only pregnancy, labour and birth, which are often the focus of such guides, but also caring for your newborn and information for the first year of your baby's life, topics which are often neglected. Having these in one publication makes it much easier to imagine and prepare for the transition from pregnant to parent, and gives you both advance warning and a go-to reference already to hand for when you are suddenly caring for a newborn and have, as mentioned, no time at all to seek out information.

And finally, it is comprehensive but not exhaustive. It gives you critical information all in one place, and especially highlights what is essential, but it does not try to (and obviously couldn't) tell you absolutely everything. Instead it gives you a good start and reassures you that you are not missing anything vital. And perhaps most usefully, it gives you a list of the topics that you need to know about. It's like an agenda or a table of contents - here are the topics that you need to know about, when you are inevitably overwhelmed and uncertain as a new parent, remember to pay attention to these. Some of these you might not think of immediately when you're pregnant, such as budgeting for the baby, or they are important but often overlooked, like your emotional health and changes in relationships. Critical issues for your newborn, like safe sleeping, are covered in detail. For the first 12 months, it is a reminder to pay attention to important safety issues that have to be dealt with all too soon, like car seat safety and 'babyproofing' for safety in the home. It provides an overview and some detailed information on every stage, and a handy list of what things you really need to know about. Sources of further information are signposted throughout. It has a few ads, but very few, and they are clearly separate to the editorial content - it really isn't try to sell you anything or sell you on anything. And it has an informative, non-judgemental, generally encouraging tone. Sure, I found it totally overwhelming at first and had to ration how much I read, and how far 'ahead' I read, when I first got it when I was pregnant. But it has come in useful time and again throughout the pregnancy and first year and I refer to it often. It isn't everything you need to know, it can't be, but it was the closest I've found to the short, sweet, reliable guide I, and I suspect many others, desperately need. From one person on planet parenthood to others orbiting or recently touched down, I hope it might help make your journey a little easier.

Links:

The Ultimate Maternity Guide: Your essential pregnancy, birth and infant care handbook - by Everymum.ie.

Coombe Hospital version of the Ultimate Maternity Guide - the version with information specific to the Coombe, and providing all editions back to 2008.